we've both made mistakes, but we both stuck around.

i have new friends, i have new dreams, i have new thoughts going through my head, i have new people in my life, i have new classes, i have a new look, i have a new favourite book and i'm a new person. i'm happy to say you aren't apart or the reason for any of these things.

i went to sleep last night staring at my phone for at least half an hour. i thought you were fucking dead. it's ridiculous of me i know, but jesus christ you scared me so much. i woke up and stared at my phone for a little longer. god the things that ran through my head was ridiculous.

i haven't spoken to you in 24 hours and my mind is getting ahead of me. you're probably fine, probably just lost your phone. went out without it. had it taked off you. or maybe you're angry with me? i'm okay with you being upset with me because i can fix that. yeah you're just fine, probably asleep.. fucking reply to my last five text messages please.

i love glee.

i just read a status on facebook saying that you're moving schools next year. i can honestly say that next year is going to be fantastic. you're a horrible person and i hate you with a passion, the fact that i called you my best friend? that i would die for you? makes me want to throw up.

i love you, deion mottram. 4.6.10 ♥

you should be sitting next to me listening to me. you should be hugging me and telling me i don't deserve it. you shouldn't be so fucking far away.

i believe everyone goes to heaven, i believe if you want something bad enough you'll get it, i believe there is no god or jesus, i believe that sometimes when you think that your world is at it's ugliest, you will soon see how beautiful it is, i believe in music, i believe that you should do what you want because it's your life and no one has the right to tell you how to live, i believe that mainstream music is shit even though i listen to some of it, i believe everyone lies and everyone tries to cover that fact up, i believe that high school is a waste of time, i believe that the excorsist is the worst movie ever made, i believe that there are things around us that only some people can see, i believe we're all fucked up in our own special way, i believe we're all hurting and wanting more, i believe everyone takes everything they have for granted and they only realise it when they've lost it, i believe that there's no reason that a person shouldn't be with the one they love, i believe everyone on this planet is cruel and unfair, even me.

insecurities could eat me alive.

when you say you love me, i don't know how you could mean it. i believe imperfections make you different and being different is beautiful but not my own imperfections. i look at myself in the mirror each morning and all i see is everything i hate. when ever i see your ex's i wonder why you're with me and not someone like them; i'm probably double their size. i'm probably double their cup size, too. they probably didn't fight with you as much as you fight with me. why me? what is it about me that you find so 'incredible?' i may not believe the the same things you believe about me, but for those few seconds that you make me feel beautiful? are a few seconds that i love. you say you're sorry for your insecurities, but you haven't even met mine.

"i just wanted to talk to you about something your son did today. your son said, "leave the kid alone. i still cry sometimes, don't you?" and it was the noblest act of courage that i have ever seen.

i'm in love with you.

that day, in p.e, when you were sitting by yourself and when that song came on? that song that comes on everytime we're in the hall? i turned to you just to see you looking upset. she kept talking to me but all i could hear was the lyrics and it was like the whole room was spinning but you were sitting still.

you give me this feeling that literally makes me weak. it's hard to keep my eyes open and it's hard to not fall to the ground and just crawl into a ball. my knees feel like they're caving in on me, even if i'm sitting down. it makes me want to throw up, like my stomach in going to fall out my ass and it makes me feel like i can't do anything except sleep and hope everything will blow over.

because you look me in the eyes, because you try, because you're gorgeous, because i can trust you, because you suprise me, because you listen, because you make me laugh, because we can joke around, because you kiss my cheek, because you laugh even when i'm being a complete and utter dickhead, because you put up with people you hate everyday just to sit with me at lunch. because you make me happy. if that is not a good enough reason for me to be with you, i don't know what is.

i don't know how to explain it any easier than this: i'm with Y O U and no one else because there's no one else i want to be with. it frustrates me more than anything how you think i'm interested in other people, you can't even imagine.

if you two start fighting like you used to, if you let her back into our lives, if you let this happen again i am walking out that door.

you are ridiculous.

exactly my point. you are seveteen and haven't dated anyone before so how could you feel such a thing for someone like me? just me. just one person. one person you've never met. you haven't even left your tiny little country, you don't understand how big the world is and i don't think you can actually understand just how many people are out there. you know nothing, i'm sorry. but i will not let you say something like that about me when you have no idea.

i loved year seven.

i used to be someone who's problems were solved by shoving my earphones in, now it's a way i don't like to admit. i used to come home and wonder what it would be like to meet the heros of mine on my bedroom walls, now i come home and sleep or ignore everyone. my hero's have dissapointed me. the people i thought would be in my life forever have left. fake smiles were obvious. back then i never would have thought that this is who i would turn out to be; it really does scare me how much i'm changed.

i'm listening to the song you said reminded you of me in year seven. i'm remembering the day you walked up to me and ask me to be your girlfriend and i'm remembering how i said no. i'm remembering how you wanted me to photograph you skating. i remember the sleepovers we had every weekend and i remember when we did each other's make up really heavy and my mum walked in. i remember being okay because i had you even if i had no one else, and i remember calling everyone in that fucking photo my best friend and i remember how everyone single one of them stabbed me in the back.

"it's a steel knife in my wind pipe."

you looked at my hand and made a face like you were confused and just said "alright..." i felt like telling you that, that's how you make me feel when we fight. like i can't breathe.

your last chance.

it's all over for now, we're both talking like normal and acting like nothing happened. but if one of my friends were just 'playing with my hair' or just 'helping me because i was upset' the way she was 'helping you', you would go off like a fucking bomb. if you ever do something like that again, i will get even.

i trusted you.

i'm reading our past conversation logs and a familiar feeling came to me. i can remember sitting at my computer desk and it being boiling hot but enjoying myself because i was up at two in the morning, reading gmh.com with you. sure, the way you suddenly opened up to me was weird but you were so down to earth.

i believe in peace. i believe in love. i believe in john lennon's words.

imagine there's no heaven, it's easy if you try. no hell below us, above us only sky. imagine all the people living for today. imagine there's no countries, it isn't hard to do. nothing to kill or die for and no religion too. imagine all the people living life in peace. you may say that i'm a dreamer; but i'm not the only one. imagine no possessions, i wonder if you can. no need for greed or hunger, a brotherhood of man. imagine all the people sharing all the world. you may say that i'm a dreamer but i'm not the only one. i hope someday you'll join us and the world will live as one.

i don't care if you've spent the past half an hour telling me how amazing and beautiful your new girl is, i'm going to tell you how much i need you, miss you and love you. i'm going to tell you how much i wish i was with you and how much i wish i could see you.

i wrote your name in my school book today and just stared at each letter. then your blue eyes were all i could see and that stupid grin on your face that you do that made me go insane. i got so angry and griped my pen tighter that it hurt. i could have swept my arms across the desk where everyone was working and screamed until my lungs combusted.

it wasn't a lie or a joke, but right now it sure as hell isn't true anymore.

i don't regret anything i do because it leads me to who i am or going to be. sometimes i think to myself "i wish i hadn't said this or done this.." but then i think "if i hadn't done that, would i be where i am now? would all of this have fallen into its place if i hadn't said this?"

"are you doing it to try and be cool?" "what? no." you laughed. "some people use it as a stress reliever." "i'm not stressed." "well i don't understand why you're doing it." "i just do it because i want to." "you're an idiot. i see it as a pussy way out, like deal with your shit, you know?" "mmm." "you've changed you know that?" "what? no i haven't." "yeah, you have." i couldn't stand being beside you and walked away. i don't even know who you are anymore. you're an absolute asshole. you're right, it is your decision and i don't care anymore.

lately i've been feeling like i can't tell anyone anything because they're all consumed in their own things and that's fine and i understand. but last night released the weight on my shoulders that i've been carrying for awhile. i still have more to tell you if you'll still listen.

three more years.

it's easy to tell you everything because you don't live in the same country as i do, i know you won't tell anyone because you have no one to tell and you won't judge me. it's also hard because you're the only person that pretty much knows what goes through my head and i'm not going to be able to see you for atleast a year.

i love you more than i hate you.

i got over you.

you left me with no other choice but to forget you.