i'm cleaning out my life, i'm sucking all the posion out. i'm making changes, if you don't hear from me, you're one of them.

i want to take a photo like this with someone.

were.

i said 'hey!' on msn first which i never do, you reply with 'sorry i had to dump you on facebook. ><' then i go online and see 'sean wilson is in a relationship.' cool, thanks for telling me? i then said 'i'm learning this song on guitar, you should hear it.' thinking you'll be real proud of me and want to hear it, thinking you'll say 'you should play it to me when you come over.' nope, just a 'you should listen to this other song.' i give up, really. i really don't care anymore.

i've realised that when a relationship of mine ends, i find it easier to find something little he's done and make it huge and tell him to piss off, or simply avoid them so i don't have to deal with the awkward conversations or the confusing 'should i or shouldn't i' moments. but i've also realised that i don't want that to happen to me and you.

i'll mess around with you, but i'm not getting back together with you anytime soon. i know what i want and need now, even if half of that is you.

you played with my hands, you touched my cheeks, you looked at me with that flirty smirk you do that makes me go wild inside and we laughed together. then you texted me after, and made me question whether or not you wanted to come up to me in the first place.
some things don't change, you're still making my emotions seem like a rollercoaster.

these lyrics have been stuck in my head for hours.

smile, though your heart is aching. smile, even though it's breaking. when there are clouds in the sky, you'll get by. if you smile through your fear and sorrow, smile and maybe tomorrow you'll see the sun come shining through for you. light up your face with gladness, hide every trace of sadness. although a tear may be ever so near, that's the time you must keep on trying. smile, what's the use of crying? you'll find that life is still worthwhile if you just smile. that's the time you must keep on trying. smile, what's the use of crying? you'll find that life is still worthwhile If you just smile.

music is a safe place.

what matters isn't that you fell, but that you got back up.

even though i've broken your heart, you're still asking why i had a bad day and if i'm alright.

right now, i feel like i don't have to try and impress anyone. i feel like i can be myself, i feel like i don't have to try and hide, i can hug and talk to who ever i want and you know what? i'm content. the only thing upsetting me is that i'm upsetting you. what's happened has happened.

i search my skin for the entry point where love went in, and ricocheted and bounced around, and left. i'm falling through the doors of the emergency room, can anybody help me with these exit wounds? i don't know how much more love, this heart can lose and i'm dying, dying from these exit wounds. where they're leaving, the scars you're keeping. battle marks still feel raw, a million pieces of me on the floor.

i'm not even with you and we're still hurting eachother. i'm sorry.

my eyes are stinging.

what do you want me to? i don't want you to be upset, i don't want you to feel like you have nothing. but you have to realise that i did what i did for a reason and i'm not going to go back on that. not now. i know you're hurting, i can see it by your fave even when you were trying to crack a smile today after school while talking to her. you'll be okay. i'm just one person, you'll find someone new who will be ten times better than i could ever be. please believe me.

i still love you, i just can't be with you. i'm not going to wait around for this apparent change that was going to happen months ago. i don't want you to hurt me anymore.

how could you even say that? just because i broke up with you doesn't mean i don't not want you in my life, it doesn't mean that the past five months now mean nothing to me and it doesn't mean that i'm not in love with you, because i still am.

it things like this, and people like you three that are keeping me going crazy.

if you're gonna pull this bullshit, you know what? i can be just as childish so fucking watch out. if you're gonna turn this on me? cool, good on you. if you're gonna try and act the way i do? i'll act the way you do towards me. i put up with alot and i'm sorry i can't do that anymore.

you know, i found it pretty insulting that you lied to me. you were looking straight at me and you fucking lied. i'm not gonna judge, i'm not gonna critizise you and i'm not going to tell you what to do, or expect you to do it. i do have an opinion on the things you do and who you hang around with but i wouldn't think that i try and make it your main priority. so i don't understand why you had to lie? i had always hoped that you and i could be honest with eachother. you don't need this shit.

i still love you, i just can't be with you.

i miss who you were.

the other night i was just sitting in my room thinking "fuck i miss you." even though i see you everyday. then i thought "you aren't even my best friend, i can't even begin to imagine how she feels." grow up please, i fucking love you, and she needs you.

i think it's incredibly unfair of you to say something like that. because if you really cared? you would have come and spoken to me regardless or anything. you would have come and spoken to me everytime we had a fight. you wouldn't have pushed me around like i was your dog. we wouldn't be here.

i felt a little reasurance when you asked me for you not to turn out like the rest of them.

"it's okay, it's alright."

i never wanted to hurt you even thought you've hurt me heaps of times. i never wanted to make you cry even thought you've made me cry plenty of times. i never wanted it to be like this, but i'm not going to stand around and wait for this change that's apparently going to happen. i'm not going to let you treat me like shit anymore.

this is going to sound selfish, but the thing i'm mostly scared about is what'll happen. how much it's going to hurt.

i don't know.

today, i was telling you something that happened that made me upset and you looked away as if there were something better you could be doing. today, you just kept annoying me because you knew it would. today, you pointed at my arm and laughed. last night? i realised that our relationship has taken so many hits, it has not made it stronger, only weaker. this isn't going to work. i deserve better.

the other night as i ran up to you, buried my face in your neck and wrapped my arms around you, and as you held your cigarette away from my face; lots of things ran through my mind. mostly was that i can't remember the last time i ever felt so comforted.

i just sent you the video to a song i thought was incredibly cute and that could have been our song. i thought that maybe you could have actually listened to the lyrics, actually listened to something. but no, all you said was "fair enough." so you know what? fuck you. fuck you and your stupid 'i feel like you don't care about me' moods, fuck you for not fucking caring about ME and fuck you for not fucking encouraging me for fucking anything.

chloe.

the concept of beauty is a curious thing. we spend our entire lives chasing what we will never have, & when we focus all our energies into beauty and charm but our own, that is when we lose ourselves. we forget that there will always be those who appreciate crooked smiles and wrinkled hands, those who pick up tattered leaves and take photographs of broken sea shells.

"i don't want to fight with you anymore. i fucking hate it." no reply.

i can't tell you what it really is, i can only tell you what it feels like, and right now it's a steel knife in my windpipe. i can't breathe but i still fight while i can fight. as long as the wrong feels right it's like i'm in flight. high off his love, drunk from my hate, it's like i'm huffing paint and i love it the more i suffer, i suffocate and right before i'm about to drown, he resuscitates me, he fucking hates me and i love it. have you ever loved somebody so much you can barely breathe when you're with them? you meet and neither one of you even know what hit 'em. got that warm fuzzy feeling, yeah them chills used to get them and now you're getting fucking sick of looking at him. now i know we said things, did things, that we didn't mean and we fall back into the same patterns, same routine. but your temper's just as bad as mine is, you're the same as me but when it comes to love you're just as blinded. baby please come back, it wasn't you, baby it was me. maybe our relationship isn't as crazy as it seems, maybe that's what happens when a tornado meets a volcano, all i know is i love you too much to walk away though.

i bet if you read my blog, you would think twice.

how can i move on, when i'm still in love with you?

i'm trying to think about not being with you and i think i'll be okay. but then i think about everything i'm going to miss out on; like the way your face looks as your trying to block the wind from whipping your face or the cute little smile you do after we kiss or when your pissed off about something and you flick my thumb back and forth really quickly. i'm not gonna see those creases near your lips curve or watch the bumps around your eyes. i won't be able to hug you when you're looking sad, i won't be able to tell you how stupid you sound when you say your nose is too big and i won't be able to grab your hand tighter when i can see you're upset. i won't be able to tell you what my new favourite song is or how much i miss you. i won't be able to go to formal with you, i won't be able to smile and say "yep, me and him are still going out." i'm going to be in a foul mood everyday at school and not just because i won't be able to call you mine or talk to you, but because i won't be able to sleep. i can't sleep with you on my mind anyway; i'm not going to be okay, i'm going to be utterly broken.

this morning as i was about to go to school, i was trying to gather my words, i was trying to swallow the enourmous lump in my throat and i was pushing back the tears until i read this.

i'm really hanging by a thread.

you know what really sucks? is that this is yet another stupid, pathetic fight except it's not. you haven't texted me, you haven't rung, you haven't come online.

i don't know how all i show you is apparently how i 'don't care,' i don't think i can keep doing this. i don't know if i want to.

and history books forgot about us, and the bible didn't mention us, and the bible didn't mention us, not even once. beneath the stars came fallin' on our heads, but they're just old light, they're just old light. your hair was long when we first met. samson came to my bed and told me that my hair was red. told me i was beautiful and came into my bed. oh i cut his hair myself one night, a pair of dull scissors in the yellow light, and he told me that i'd done alright and kissed me 'til the morning light, the morning light. and he kissed me 'til the morning light.

your daily horoscope.

your fantasies could come true now, especially when it comes to relationships, gemini. this could be the moment you've always dreamed about, so get ready. the attractive, romantic person in the corner has been keeping an eye on you all night. your blood is pumping faster than ever. remind yourself that all dreams can come true on a day such as today.

i understand why you said that, why you asked for that; everyone needs to be reasured. sometimes we need to be told that there's someone there, that we're loved, that we're needed.

i want to know whether or not to send you a text on your birthday. i want to know if you're going back to school. i need to know if you're going to mine. (i want to see what you're like.)

i don't want any fights, i just want to cuddle with someone.

you, you and you.

don’t ever think that you aren’t important. i’m quite reliant of you. your ability to raise my spirits is incredibly astounding. if it weren’t for you, days just wouldn’t be as bright. you don’t realize how much your smile can mean to someone. never take it for granted. you are so strong. every day you fake a smile, move a step or take a breath, you’re demonstrating to the world that you can do this. you live with a burden, secrets from the past or an looming future advancing upon you. you realize this and move on, knowing the future will come and you’ll face it with a smile when it does. though you may not know it, you mean the world to someone out there. before someone closes their eyes to rest you are the last thought on their mind. there is no one quite like you in this destructive world of six billion people; you’ll never mean quite the same to someone as anyone else, either. so yes, you’re quite special.

i've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.

you are alive and you were given the grace to wake up another day.

take trains by yourself to places you have never been. sleep alone under the stars. go so far away that you stop being afraid of not coming back. say no whenever you don’t want to do something. say yes if your instincts are strong, even if everyone around you disagrees. decide if fitting in is more important than finding out what you’re doing here. and believe in kissing.

the one thing i remember from that house are the draws in your wardrobe and how they were always caving in. those light blue, shitty ass draws that you kept your t-shirts in. you always asked dad to fix them and he never did. he usually laughed at how angry you get, he still does. now i realise that, that was home.

1. i'll study harder because last term i was lazy about it. 2. i'll eat healthier and lose some weight because these past few weeks i've been slack with that. 3. i'll concentrate more in class this term. no i won't, these are things i'd really like; but more than that i'd like to have the motivation to do these things again. i'm too tired and have been for awhile.

because no one really realises what's out there. no one really realises what they could really be getting. no one really realises that someone could be having it much worse.

is it worth it, can you even hear me? standing with your spotlight on me. not enough to feed the hungry. i'm tired and i felt it for awhile now. in this sea of lonely the taste of ink is getting old. it's four o' clock in the fucking morning, each day gets more and more like the last day. still i can see it coming, while i'm standing in the river drowning. this could be my chance to break out, this could be my chance to say goodbye. at last it's finally over; couldn't take this town much longer. being half dead wasn't what i planned to be, now i'm ready to be free. so here i am, it's in my hands. and i'll savor every moment of this. so here i am alive at last. won't you think i'm pretty when i'm standing top the bright lit city and i'll take your hand and pick you up and keep you there so you can see it. as long as you're alive and care, i promise i will take you there. we'll drink and dance the night away, we'll drink and dance the night away.