never hate, always love. never go to bed with grudges, you never know if you'll wake up.

It is so fucking frustrating for me when I talk and I get spoken over or interrupeted. If you don't want me around, don't worry because I won't be for long. God I want to get away from here. I constantly feel invisible. People are just pushing me and pushing me. Go fuck your selves.

For once in a long time I don't want to just mess around with a guy. It always ends up in misunderstood actions and hurt feelings. I told you I don't want to be fucked around by anymore guys. When I told you I didn't want to just mess around with someone your answer shocked me. I expected you to tell me to fuck off or to go find someone else. You say that when you're ready for a relationship you want to be able to make it last with me. I'm acting as if this semi-relationship of ours is the most fragile thing ever, because relationships are fragile. Trust me, I would know. I don't want this to fuck up, I don't want to fuck up, I don't want you to fuck up. I think this may be my last glance of hope because I really don't like playing games anymore.

there's something so appealing to me about living in a small country town. i know i would be better off without the internet and all the bullshit conservative people in this town. i would love to live with a lover, to have a house like something from a movie and to just let everything be. i'll live like that one day.

she sits alone at a lampost trying to find a thought that's escaped her mind. she says "dad's the one i love the most" but stipe's not that far behind. she never lets me in, only tells me where she's been when she's had too much to drink. i say that i don't care and i run my hands through her dark brown hair they i pray to god, you've got to help me find a way.

just let her cry if the tears fall down like rain. just let her sing if it eases all her pain. let her go, let her walk right out on me. if the sun comes up tomorrow, let her be.

this morning i woke up alone, found a note standing by the phone saying "baby, maybe i'll be back someday." i wanted to look for you. you walked in and i didn't know just what i should so i sat back down and had a beer and felt sorry for myself.

let her cry, if the tears fall down like rain. let her sing if it eases all her pain. let her go, let her walk right out on me. and if the sun comes out tomorrow let her be.

last night i tried to leave. i cried so much i could not believe she was the same girl i fell in love with long ago. she went in the back to get high. i sat down on my couch and cried, "mama! please help me, won't you hold my hand?"

let her cry, if the tears fall down like rain. just let her sing, if it eases all her pain. let her go, let her walk right out on me. and if the sun comes up tomorrow? let her be.

When things were alot easier.

This was my favourite place in the whole world.

We don't talk anymore but you saw me when I was invisible and you saved me from myself. For that, I'll forever be thankful.

I'm sorry your step-father treats you badly, I'm sorry you're so cut off from reality that you can't have a real relationship with anyone. (I tried really hard to change that.) I'm sorry I left when I knew you needed me and had no one. But just like everyone else, I had my own family problems. I'd been treated badly aswell but I was still trying to love you with every cell in my body and to be honest, you deserved to have no one in the end of it. When I see your messages and you say you're doing good? I know you're lying and that always leaves me satisfied.

For the first time awhile I feel happy. I feel like I don't have to try and be something I'm not, I feel like I've put up with enough unhappiness this past year that all I have left is to be happy and excited. I'm excited for college, I'm excited for maybe leaving the country and starting anew. I'm excited for nothing at all in particular but for good things to happen.

I've been thinking about it for so long.

"If I have any advice for teenagers, it's leave as soon as you can."

2am and she calls me 'cause i'm still awake, "can you help me unravel my latest mistake? i don't love him. winter just wasn't my season." we'll walk through the doors, so acussing their eyes. like they have any right at all to criticize, hypocrites. you're all here for the very same reason. you can't jump the track, you're like cars on a cable and life's like an hour glass, glued to the table. no one can find the rewind button girl so cradle your head in your hands. here in town you can tell he's been down for awhile but god, it's so beautiful when the boy smiles.

there's room between your heart and the chair where i've been sleeping. the place where we called home, will someday watch you leaving. there's room between today and the last time that i saw you. the pictures in my brain will fade until i lose you. there's room left in the house, there's food still in the pantry. i could fix you lunch or take you out for coffee. if you would come back home we could start all over. if you would come back home i swear it would be better. call the surgeon, mend the peices.

walk back home from this disaster, saw your ghost under the plaster. my heart is thrown, broken to peices. i'm coming home. lost my way, gave up my treasure. hid my heart, lost your forever. i can't come home. loved you first, when we were children. you broke my heart, all that's forgiven. we lost our chance to love one another. we will love again, just not eachother.

I think that there's more to life than money. Sure I'd love to have it, but money isn't the only thing that can bring you happiness. I don't like how that's all you're ever intending to mean. I think there's more to life than good grades and being good. Stand up for yourself, love people, do good and enjoy yourself.

I don't even want to go to college next year. I honestly feel like it's going to be a waste of my time.

I hate how I can't stop thinking about you. I hate that you're the first thing I think of when I wake up. I hate how I still hate myself because of you. I how you've made my trust issues with people just ten times harder. I just wish I could forget about everything that concerns you. I would be a lot happier. I'm trying to constantly change everything around me so it can stop reminding me of you.

I'm going to leave this all behind one day. Then we'll see who's sorry.

my heart is sinking as i'm lifting up above the clouds away from you. i can't believe i'm leaving, oh i don't know what i'm going to do. but some day, i will find my way back to where your name is written in the sand. i remember every sunset, i remember every word you said. we were never gonna say goodbye. tell me how to get back to summer paradise with you and i'll be there in a heartbeat. my soul is broken, streets are broken. i can't stop these feelings melting through and i'd give away a thousand days just to have another with you. real life can wait, we're crashing like waves. playing in the sand, holding your hand. i remember sunny mornings and summer evenings. now you're not next to me and i'm freezing. was it real? or tell me baby, was i dreaming? how can you show me paradise when i'm leaving?

Every now and then I miss you deeply. Then I think to myself, no, I can't. I just miss the text messages I would wake up to, I miss the constant communication with someone, I miss sharing a bed with you, I miss feeling comfortable enough around someone that I can invite them over and I'm still in bed and in my pyjamas, I miss walking down to the shops and drinking ice tea with you, I miss the dirty jokes that would leave me laughing hours later, I miss the compliments and the way you would talk. I miss sitting on the bus with you and having you whisper in my ear. I miss just generally having someone there for me. I think I'm lonely. I still miss you.