i can still hear your voice.

i've thought about that day ever since it happened. i would have given anything to be anywhere else in the world. i think that was one of the scariest things i've ever gone through, just thinking the last word you said to me could have been the last. i could see myself at your funeral, i could see your mum looking at me and feeling like it was my fault. i could see myself trying to deal with it later on, going to school and having everyone around me either think 'that's the girl who drove him mad enough to go home and kill himself.' i can't even describe the feeling i had when i was told he was going to be fine. i remember going to bed and still hearing him yelling and repeating himself over and over for weeks. i hate you for putting me through that. my counciler asked me if that was out of character for him. i said yes. she then asked me you had ever self harmed and i regret my answer so much.