I don't feel comfortable getting close to people because all I can ever think about when I'm with them is how much it's going to hurt when I lose them. I've figured out that life isn't about getting married and having kids, or having to latest designer clothes or having a ton of friends or having the bank in your back pocket. It's about experiencing as most as you can. But I'd still like to like nice and have someones hand to hold. There's something so appealing to me about living day to day on luck and zero cents. One of my favourite things to feel is a cold breeze during the night. I'm kind of fascinated by the way peoples legs and feet sit. All those 'jokes' you say? They hurt, they stung and theu keep ringing on my ears along with all the other things that have broke me. They hurt me so much I couldn't hold it in any longer and I completely broke down. Your response? "Oh get over yourself." I always get this feeling during the holidays. I keep getting this feeling when I get anxious or nervous that makes me want to faint and I hate it. In a few days I'll be able to say "this day, a year ago, I saw your skinny white boney body in the flesh for the first time" and it sickens me. I didn't want to be this person. I'm not looking for a soul mate but I just want someone to spend my time with and someone to consume the lonliness that is consuming me. "Choose fucking up every chance you get in the pursuit of finding something pure."