i feel as if i literally can't open my eyes, like there's something stopping me from seeing properly. everytime i lie in bed and i get so consumed in my thoughts i have to shake myself away from it all and take a really deep breath, as if i'm suffocating in a room all by myself. there's a wall around my heart and around me that's stopping me from getting too close to anyone and it's scaring me, but it doesn't scare me enough to knock it down.