when will you understand? i'm fucked up and seem to sabotage my own relationships with people. i can never keep a real relationship up, and the fact that our little relationship-thing has been going on for so long and i'm not the least bit tired or bored, really amazes me. you amaze me. i don't tell people how i'm feeling, and i usually end up bottling it up for so long, i get frustrated and take it all out on who ever i can because secretly i just want someone to know when ever i'm lieing when i tell them i'm 'just fine.' with you, i just can't find my words. it's so ridiculous. so i'm sorry, i'm sorry not being able to tell you how i really feel or what's wrong or why i'm angry.