sometimes i wish you could see how i've turned out. i fantasize about the things you'd say to me, meeting me for the first time in nearly ten years. i wonder if dad looks at me and see's you. i used to be terrified of the possible fact that he loves you more than me, i still do, even though you chose to leave. he still keeps a photo of you in his wallet. i'm still hoping one day you'll find me, somewhere, anywhere, i hope you tell me you're sorry for leaving without an explanation, i want you to spend a day with me so i can get to know the new you, because the last time i saw you i don't even know how i old i was. i loved singing with you, i loved playing card games with you, i loved telling you about things that happened at school - i guess that's why i hate those things now. i believe that you can't miss something if you've never had it, but i still can't help but get the feeling. everytime i see your step brother around school i wonder if he knows what i know, i wonder if he see's you on a daily basis and if he tells you about me. i hope he does. (you won't tell me what she did or why, so all i can do is feel this way.)