not anymore.

the past day or two, i have been in the most horrid mood. can't eat, can't sleep, can't think straight, can't talk to anyone, just can't deal with anything, and it's because i have been so frustrated and angry with myself. you can't get away from it, you can't just get away from yourself for the weekend. you're always there - but having that huge conversation with your mum made me feel so much better about everything. i finally accept the fact that this is not my fault, i finally feel okay. the first time this month and i feel okay. the first time this month and i feel that things are looking up. i feel like i'm not alone. the feeling of this relief brings tears to my eyes. how dare you treat me the way you have the past year, how dare you say you would always be there for me when all you've done is gone behind my back, how dare you say i'm over reacting, how fucking dare you. your mum and i could relate to everything, we're in the same place. we love you so much, but we just can't deal with you anymore. i felt so bad for hearing those words come out of her mouth, she's sick of you and she doesn't want to deal with it anymore, but then something clicked and something in my head said 'me too.' how could you tell her the 'shut the fuck up' or to 'fuck off' or that she's 'stupid'? she's one of the smartest people i've met, i have to much respect for her. it just felt so good to talk to someone who's on the same page as me. i know understand a little better why you are the way you are, but it still gives you no right to treat me the way you have considering how i stood by you and how much i believed in you and how much i tried to help you. the thing that's hurt me the most today was how your mum told me about the things you were saying about me. how you were going to kiss this girl infront of me to make me jealous, how you would do this and this. how could you even think about that? even if you broke up with me, i would never do that to you. i had too much respect for you to go and say such things about you. get your shit together, talk to someone, then come and talk to me. just leave me alone for the week and don't hurt yourself.