i'm reading the first posts i ever posted on this blog and i'm remembering the feelings i had when i wrote them. at first i was scared because i noticed how much of a bad place i was in, and as the posts go along i notice how much happier i seem and i know that was because of you. you pulled me out of that depression and i never told you. i was scared because i don't have you anymore and the thought of being how i used to be makes me sick and makes me think that all of this was for nothing.