you don't know why i am, the way i am. you don't know why i listen to the music i listen to. you don't know that this is the longest relationship i've been at least a year and you don't know how happy it makes me that it's with you. you don't actually know how much you mean to me. you don't know why i pick at my thumbs or why i only cross my legs when i'm wearing pants. you don't know why i find it so hard to makes friends or to trust people, shit, i don't think you even know that i just in general can't make new friends. i don't think you know a thing about me and sometimes, that really doesn't bother me.

you know that no matter how hard i try i can't stay angry at you, that no matter what stupid thing you've said i'll always creep a smile. but my body is becoming so tired and i can't hold this up forever. you won't be feeling so secure for much longer.

tomorrow night i am going to go out and see a movie with the person you got pissed off at me for talking to today. tomorrow night i'm going to go out, forget about the the past few days and have a good time with the guy that is there for me more than you are and he hardly even hangs out with me anymore. says something doesn't it?

today i was asked a few times why don't i just break up with you and all i could say was "because i really like him. makes sense right? i really like someone who makes me upset most of the time." i know what i deserve but i also know what i want. this is just becoming too hard for me to handle.

please stop doing this.

i wonder when you'll realise why i'm with you and no one else. i don't think about anyone else, i don't look at anyone else the way i look at you.