i can't stop thinking about it. about him.

i really love seeing people i went to mackillop with. not that anyone there even likes\liked me. but i met some really genuine people there. (i'm talking like, three people.) i love seeing them mostly because i want them to look at me and think "damn i was wrong about her." or "i should've gotten to know her." like the other day; i get off my bus and i'm walking through the shopping center and i see this guy who used to make me laugh until i was in stitches. he gave me a huge smile when ever i saw him and honestly, i always had feelings for him which i would never admit. we shared a smile and as he passed me he just said "long time no see." it made me want to cry. i remember when we had to do this activity and send everyone in our class anonymous letters with something positive we thought about them. so i walked up to him, and slipped my note into his enevelope and start talking to him. he said something like "gah, i can't think of anything to write about you. maybe i should write about how much of a bitch you are.." then he saw me going to say something back but then he laughed that really adorable chuckle and said "jokes! jokes!" and i smiled. then he picked up his pen and started writing "Emmylou, you always - " then looked up at me and told me to go away. so i laughed and walked off. then when he was done he put his note in my envelope and went back to his desk. i rumaged through my envelope and saw the note he was writing earlier on that day. "Emmylou, you always keep a smile." it was one of the highlights of that year. thinking back to then, i wouldn't have really called us friends. i wouldn't have rang him on the weekend to see if he wanted to hang out. i wouldn't have gone to him if i needed help. he was just there to joke and laugh with, but that's what i needed back then. then the next year everything changed. one of my best friends moved to a different state. the people i once shared a laugh with treated me like a stranger and everyone had changed into someone i couldn't recognise.