i want to have a huge bonfire. i want all my friends around me. i want there to be music, really loud so you can't talk. i want to pull out my diary that i've written everything in. i got it before you and i met so you can imagine the things that are in it. everything is in it. all your letters that are covered in lies. god i can't even bring myself to think about looking at them. your i.d, the last time i looked at i gagged. right now i feel like going to my bathroom and shoving my finger down my throat, that's how sick i feel. i can't stand the thought of your face. those innocent-looking eyes, that hold anything but innocence. i want to throw everything in a fire, i want everything to go back to year nine, where i had a best friend who would have done anything for me. when i had no boy problems, everything was just starting to calm down. then you walked into my life. god i would give anything to go back to then and tell myself to walk away. i want everything to burn, burn burn. i wouldn't mind seeing you in that fire either. i want our relationship to go in that fire. i want to run, run and run. i want to run away from canberra and leave all my problems here along with you. i thought i was strong, i really did. i thought that because i had taken every bullet possible from you, i'd be able to take anything. i have my bullet proof jacket on, and as i read those messages it was as if you were whispering those words in my ear and takeing that vest off for me like you always did. seeing as i hadn't seen you around for a month or so, i thought you were dead. a part of me wished it was.