when i'm looking at the clouds, i'm wondering if you're seeing the same sky as i am. i'm wondering if you're thinking of me too.

how funny is it that i'm stuck in a town full of losers that have treated me like shit, but the one guy that treats me with the respect that i deserve, is over seas and i can't see him for at least another year.

you make me so happy.

"when i was at the party last night, i wanted to get drunk with you and have kissing wars. then i wanted to wake up with you beside me really badly, to cuddle you before you woke up. and want to know something else? i would wake up, still see you asleep, kiss your forehead then cuddle you 'till you wake up. and i can't wait 'till you hear the words 'morning beautiful.'"

the day this photo was taken, was actually amazing. i remember when we took this picture, and there was people walking all around us, and we were just sitting there in our own world. we knew that people were giving us looks, two kids sitting on eachother, kissing, probably being too loud and taking photo's, but neither of us cared and that was the best thing. don't even ask me what happened.

it still scares me.

fifteen years later and i honestly still don't fully understand it. but this is what i think of it: when i was born, there was a blood clot in my brain that stopped any fluids going in or out, so a tube was put in. it runs from the top of my head to my bladder i think. i wasn't supposed to be how i am right now, i'm pretty sure they thought i wasn't even going to live that long, it's a miracle that i did. i think was expected for me to be a vegetable. when i was younger i remember going in and out of hospitals or doctors appointments all the time. when i was eleven, the tube that drains the fluids from my brain, broke. a part of my hair was shaved and i had a pretty serious surgery to reattach the tube. it was horrible and so fucking scary. i remember freaking out when i was being put under anesthia and asking my mum what was happening. then waking up with a really blurred vision, my throat incredibly sore and my dad holding my hand and crying, then going back up to my room, sleeping, eating, ect. i wasn't allowed to get out of bed for awhile, so i was practically lying down for almost 48 hours which makes your body freak out a little. i wasn't able to get up and pee or shower or anything. then when i was allowed to get up, i just felt so nausus and dizzy that i almost fell over which could have ripped the staples out of my stomach. when i could finally walk, i just remember going into the bathroom and looking at myself. my hair was almost becoming like dread locks. it hadn't been brushed or washed in nearly three days and there was all this orange shit through it which was supposed to keep the cut clean. i had never seen it so knotty in my life, and back then my hair was pretty long. it was up in a high pony tail on top of my head, then i turned my head and saw the shaved part and started crying. i looked so disgusting, these doctors had hardly taken fucking care of me. my fancy-ass doctor couldn't even get his fat ass up to my room to tell me if it was safe or not for me to get up. i couldn't sleep because i hadn't peed in almost 24 hours and was told my bladder would probably burst. it was probably one of the worst experiences of my life, i can hardly even bring myself to tell my best friends what actually happened to me. i have two scars on my stomach and one on my head. you can see the tube pop out of my neck sometimes, i can feel it and it scares me. i'm so scared of the tube breaking again, i'm fucking terrifed.

just know that wherever you are, yeah i miss you.

do you remember where we used to sleep at night? i couldn't feel you, you were always so far away. come on, show 'em what you're worth. kiss me quick now babe, i'm still crazy over you. does she get the same big rush when you go in for a hug and your cheeks brush? i promise i'll be there tonight. it must have been a month since you last loved me. if it's attention, i'll be around. in five years time. shake it like a polaroid picture. am i living it right? i don't miss the way that you kissed me. you start to wonder why you're here and not there. i put my face in my hands, get down on my knees and i pray to god; he see's me through to the end. who's that lounding in my chair? mama's this is surely a dream. it'll only get better. hey la, my boyfriend's back. does she look at you the way i do?