Judging books.

Though I may be thin, I don't let anyone in but I can't help but let this begin. Though I maybe be cold and I feel I am growing old, please baby just come back home. I'm tired of feeling alone. Tell me how to let go. Love, I know you're doing fine. Your chapters end so well. Love, I love your welling eyes. They're happy, I can tell. Love, I know you'll be alright but I can't help but feel sorry. 'Cause love, your book will end alright. Mine is a different story.

I've tried letting go, I don't know how to quit you. No, baby, you can't change me. But maybe you'll find that you're better off, better off. That's what you get for, that's what you get for, moving on, moving on. Try and forget you, try and forget like every tear you ever cried. Pack them up and say goodbye. Moving on. I spent a long time without you and I'm still doing everything I can just to not think about you. Not that I doubt you, if I found you would I let my thoughts surround you. I feel just a little bit stronger. I'll wait just a little bit longer. But I'm doing just fine without you.

You've got a face to call home.

I'm going to find someone who I can send links of John Mayer songs to, and I'm going to tell them that these songs are the perfect words strung together to express my love for them. There's no other way to tell them how much I love them except for the written words from my favourite artist, I hope this person understands.

I love you.

“I love you’ means that I accept you for the person that you are, and that I do not wish to change you into someone else. It means that I will love you and stand by you even through the worst of times. It means loving you even when you’re in a bad mood, or too tired to do the things I want to do. It means loving you when you’re down, not just when you’re fun to be with. ‘I love you’ means that I know your deepest secrets and do not judge you for them, asking in return that you do not judge me for mine. It means that I care enough to fight for what we have and that I love you enough not to let go. It means thinking of you, dreaming of you, wanting and needing you constantly, and hoping you feel the same about me.” — Johnathon Safran Foer

The fact that someone made me feel this way makes me so scared.

"I knew all the pain, the struggles would lead me somewhere. I always knew in a small part of my mind that the nights I spent struggling, crying, hurting and deciding would lead me somewhere. It would either be walking around numb or it would make me better. I’ve had my fair share of fuck ups, of being fucked up and wanting to be even more fucked up. I’ve had my fair share of being used, lied to and hurt by other people. But the fact that you have come into my life and made me feel again, it’s a beautiful feeling. I love that you’ve taught me to trust again, I love that I let my guard down for you, I love being with you, I love being yours and I love that you’re mine. The fact that all my struggles have lead me to this? Sometimes I want to thank you for fucking me up mentally, emotionally, physically and every other way in between because I probably wouldn’t be where I am or have the people I do in my life. I’ve spent nights wondering if I should end it all, I’ve spent days telling myself ‘just a few more hours and you can —- yourself when you get home’, I’ve wanted to not wake up in the mornings, I debated whether or not every afternoon walking home from school if I should throw myself into the oncoming traffic. I’ve dug hard, I’ve hated hard and this love that has flooded my world the past two months is a breath of fresh air. Rohit, you’re changing me and an loving you for it. You’re amazing, baby."

Old writings.

I had a dream last night that you came up to me and started apologizing. I wanted to tell you to get away, but I ran straight into your arms and kissed you and told you I had missed you. You said you missed me too. We kissed and laughed and held eachother and talked for hours and it felt so real. I held your hand in mine again, I touched your face, I told you I loved you and it felt so real. I have never woken up so empty before.

It’s your birthday in a month. Yes I’ve remembered. I drove past your street today. A lot has happened in the past year and a half. Apart of me has wanted to tell you and apart of me knows you don’t deserve any part of my life. I miss you sometimes. I don’t get nervous when I see you around town anymore. We were crazy in love, weren’t we? I’ve never really been the same since you left. I deleted our photos, they just drove me insane. I’ve never felt as comfortable enough with anyone else but you. I remember I would invite you over and I would still be in my pyjamas, we would spoon in my bed and watch bad tv.