i want to have silence. i haven't had silence in so long. even when i'm awake at three in the morning, i'm staring at the ceiling, my eyes are too dry to read - i am still not in silence. my thoughts consume me and they tear me apart. i'm going to try and keep my mouth shut. i'm going to try and keep calm about things. i am going to stop complaining. i am going to try and breathe.