two days ago i was hoping you would wish me happy birthday and come down to see me. yesterday i got a text from you saying 'happy birthday' and asking if i wished we were how we were back in the old days. of course i do, of course i wish i could spend a day with you again, of course i wish we could go skating again. but just because i wish for something, doesn't change the fact that you messed me up. you messed us up. it doesn't change the fact that you hurt me immensely. i've built this wall up around myself that i can't let any boy knock down, i've built this wall because i can't let myself get hurt again. why don't you understand? did you know.. i didn't get too weak last time even though i was close to it? and you want to know why? because i promised you i wouldn't. sometimes i think it isn't worth it anymore, but i also promised myself i would always keep my promises. (unlike you.) i don't care if you're just human and you make mistakes. i always thought i could never be apart of one of your mistakes and that's why i can't forgive you. and yes you are just a boy. just a boy i used to love and just a boy who also fucked me up and around. but don't forget, i always carry apart of you around with me, bad or good. you are apart of who i am and i can't change that no matter what. (sometimes i don't want to.)