there are many things that i don't deal with, there are many things that i push to the back of my head, there are things i force myself not to think about. one of them? is you. another one of them is next year. i hate being told that i need to 'pull my socks up' and get on with my school work and to not let anyone get in the way of that. what if i don't want to? what if i don't want to go to college? if i don't want to study to become an art teacher? as far as i'm concerned, you don't exsist.

there was a time when i thought you did everything right. no lies, no wrong. boy, i must have been out of my mind. when i think of the last time that i almost loved you, you showed yourself and i saw the real you. thank god you blew it, thank god i dodged the bullet. thank god i found the good in goodbye, i used to want you so bad, i'm so through with that. 'cause honestly you turned out the be the best thing i never had.

well fuck you.

i'm confused and am getting pretty frustrated. i understand that you have things going on at home, and that your dad is sick. but that's all you have to tell me. "hey emmylou, i'm not sure if i can handle a relationship right now." or "hey emmylou, i'm a little shy and am not sure on how to go about this." because honestly, i don't know if i can handle a relationship right now and i don't know how to go about this either. you can't just hook up with me at my party, spend the night with me in my bed and then not speak to me. you can't then hook up with me at another party, hold my hand, kiss me goodbye infront of a room full of people and tell me how you "really like me" and then not speak to me, because i know it wasn't some ordinary hook up, i've had them and that wasn't it. i'm starting to think that you don't really want anything to happen, and i've started the also get the thought that you were using me - which i'm really hoping isn't the case.

i've been up all night staring at you, wondering what's on your mind. you want the sunrise to go back to bed, i want to make you laugh. mess up my bed, with me. kick off the covers, i'm waiting. every word you're saying, i'm thinking i should write down. i don't want to forget come day light. i'm happy to lay here, happy to be here. i'm happy to know you.

if you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to a person or thing.

isabella lomax.

this girl right here, has been my best friend for the past four years. we've stood by eachother through anything. we've had our share of differences, but nothing ever seems to phase our friendship. she's the one i can trust with absolutely anything, she's the one i can count on for absolutely anything. she is so beautiful and so amazing and she doesn't even realise it. she's always there when i need someone to talk to, when i need someone to laugh with, when i need someone to tell me i'm wrong or right, when i need someone to reasure me everything will be okay. i don't know what i would do without her, to be honest i don't even like to think about it.

she deserves much more than she's got. "i hate how amazing you are. no, actually in all truth i love it. i just hate that i'm not you. you better never doubt how incredible you are. it's all true. you are freaking amazing. you're a fun person, you're beautiful, you're sarcastic but you're like, still serious. you can talk to people, and ah, you're just perfect. to me you're perfect so that ain't lying. half the stuff you say and do, i couldn't even try. you're more confident than you think, emmylou. your welcome, it would be a real shame for someone like you to go around thinking your nothing. when that's so far from the truth."