i keep on thinking about it, i just can't help it. everytime i'm not with you, whenever i don't know where you are, whenever i'm not talking to you i'm scared you're on your way home to do something again. i keep on going over our conversation in my head, it's as if it rings in my ears when i'm trying to sleep or trying to listen in class. i can just hear you crying and trying to catch your breath but then crying even more, i can hear you saying "oh god emmylou, i'm sorry, what the fuck have i done, i feel so sick, emmylou, i love you, i feel so sick" all through out your cries. i can just keep seeing myself at your funeral, which i shouldn't because you're fine. he's emmylou, it's okay he's fine. everyone keeps telling me it wasn't my fault, but i still feel like it was. "he has choices just like you do. he made the choice to wag school and he chose to drink. you did not make him do that." but i did? everyone keeps asking me if i'm okay like it's such an easy question to answer. you said yesterday that you just wanted to feeling something different, i made you feel bad in the first place. i don't want to talk to the counciler again, i just want him to come over right now, get in bed with me and cuddle and tell me that the sound of me crying almost broke him, like his did me.